I was the mom that was a nervous wreck all of the time, I was depressed and had low-self esteem. I got used to being on autopilot and taking care of others that I had neglected myself in the process. I thought I was doing this motherhood thing all wrong. Everywhere I turned I thought someone else was always doing it better. I was always comparing myself to all of the “Pinterest Moms” out there. I wanted to be perfect, I wanted to feed my kids the perfect food, I wanted to give my kids a perfect life. I made myself crazy day-in and day-out. The comparing, the negative self-talk, not to mention my health was at it lowest. I had started to neglect myself and my physic was showing it. I was trapped in my four walls and I was miserable. I wasn’t taking care of me. I would talk to my friends about it, but I was only faced with a blank stare of misunderstanding or so it felt.
I hit rock bottom, I had three kids under the age of three, including a set of twins and I was a hot mess. I was anxiety driven and perfectionist ridden. I couldn’t continue on this path anymore. I had to start taking care of me. I had to start putting myself first or I was not going to be able to take care of my kids anymore. Some nights I would cry myself to sleep. I felt guilty because I was miserable. The mom guilt was real and it was there to torment me. I would say to myself, This is all you have ever wanted Mandi (a house full of kids, a husband and the white picket fence) but yet you are still miserable. I didn’t get it!
One day in one of my daily crying sessions it really just hit me that I no longer went to the gym, I had been in the fitness industry for 15 years, but I had no desire to workout anymore. Who wanted to load up 3 kids under the age of 3 to the local YMCA just so I could workout? I didn’t! I no longer spent quality time on choosing the foods I ate, I was always preparing and doing for the kids. I no longer took any time for myself, when I was alone I just wanted to sleep, not pamper myself. I made excuses for everything! I decided to make a change, if not for me but for my kids. They needed their mother there mentally, not just physically. They needed a happy mom. I couldn’t take the mom guilt anymore.
I am now healthier in all aspects of my life. I am more confident and I enjoy life so much more. I found a way to workout at home with my kids there with me. I found a way to make healthier meals for my family and I without it being a chore. I learned how to fill my cup and take care of myself without the mom guilt and all the while I even built 3 online businesses from the ground up while homeschooling my kids. God showed me how He saw me and I finally listened! I now know my self-worth and can see the endless possibilities through Him. The best part these days is, I LOVE ME!
I recently went through a major heart health scare, that we were blindsided with, but it helped me grow in God and my calling in life.
I am involved in many projects that I hold near and dear to my heart. I dedicate my time to The PurposeFULL Woman Ministry where we help all women find their purpose in life. I am also editor of Walt Express and own Walt Express Travel. I love writing here at AmandaMiddleton.me about travel, fashion, clean eating, fitness and hot deals. I speak at various functions to encourage and motivate women on how to get out of trenches, take care of themselves and become more in Christ!
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