Alarm goes off
Feet hit the floor
Say a little prayer
Workout
Work a little
Breakfast
Get dressed
Laundry
Homeschool
Play outside
Run errands
Get supper ready
Prayers with kids
Bedtime
Work
Go to bed
Repeat
Did you notice something? Did something strike you? Reread if you need to. You won’t hurt my feelings by pointing out what I did wrong or what was lacking in my days.
“Say a little prayer” does that ring a bell?
I am being very vulnerable here so bare with me. It comes from a good place and I’m here to show you my faults in hopes of someone else learning something from my mistakes.
The last few weeks have been hard; hard emotionally. I’ve felt run down, over-worked and underpaid, out of sorts, emotionally drained and even though my kids stay home with me (we homeschool) I’ve felt like I haven’t seen them or my husband. Not because they aren’t there or I’m not there, but because emotionally I haven’t been there. I’ve been consumed with worry, doubt, money, Christmas gifts, homeschool lessons, work, making dinner, working-out, laundry, and extra activities for the kids that I’ve forgotten one major thing in my life.
Talking to God….
Don’t get me wrong saying little prayers throughout the day is great and I don’t knock anyone or myself for them. Little is better than none and when that’s all you have time for in the carline, that’s what works. But, what was wrong in my days were the lack of emotion behind my little prayers. I wasn’t seeking God’s knowledge in the process. I wasn’t seeking His guidance. I was just saying a prayer, cause hey that’s what I’m supposed to do. As hard as I work on my faith…… for these last few weeks I really wasn’t letting Him in. Letting Him in to do His work in me. Letting Him in to guide my day. Letting Him in to speak to me. My prayer through habit wasn’t hurting me, but it wasn’t helping me so much either. I had no feeling or emotion behind it. It was a habit prayer.
I sought guidance in some of those little prayers, but wasn’t willing to listen. I said I was thankful, but not telling Him what I was truly thankful for.
My anxiety rose. My self-doubt rose. My direction wavered. My heart was stagnant. I kept feeling the nudge….. Mandi put the computer away. Mandi relax and sit with me. Mandi everything will be okay, talk to me. But, I ignored the callings of God. I mean I’m strong, I’ve got this, right?! I wanted to cry, but couldn’t. I didn’t have time. I had too much to do. Places to go. People to see. Gifts to buy. Chores to do. But, none of those things were helping me, I just went into a deeper hole of self-doubt. It was a viscous cycle.
It was time to break the cycle. Talk to God. Really sit with Him and talk. Really sit and listen to what He had to say.
God Speaks To Me And You
Someone asked me the other day, how I know when God talks to me. They asked if it was an intuition I had. How did I know it was Him? Is He kind? Does He lecture you? Here is what I said: it is like an intuition of sorts. That little voice in your head telling you not to do drugs or steal that piece of candy as a kid is God. The voice that is ever so gentle, but always honest is God. He doesn’t lecture, but He tells you like it is. He is loving and kind and when He starts to speak to you, you know it’s Him and you are in His presence.
It took that person asking me those very questions for me to realize what I had been missing in the last few weeks. My conversations with God. My guidance from God. My lessons from God.
Not because He wasn’t there, but because I wasn’t there.
By not making time for God I was hurting myself. Hurting my growth. Hurting my future. Hurting my relationships. Not just with Him, but with others. Hurting my emotions.
Thank goodness for God’s grace. Thank goodness for His love. As I moved forward and came back into His presence I started to feel better. The anxiety and depression lifted. Those conversations were now manifesting into my soul again and all was right in the world.
Have you listened to God today? Have you heard what He’s trying to tell you. He’s trying to tell you how to get over your hurtles in life. How to get through your day. How to meditate on him and not worry so much throughout the day. Just let Him in and listen. Listening is the key.
Don’t let this Christmas season go by without God’s guidance and love. You will miss so much. Don’t let your Christmas to-do list guide you. Let God guide you with His love. He never fails and will never steer you wrong.
Until next time….
~xoxo
Mandi
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